
When life throws curveballs, we all have our unique ways of coping. For me, when I’m overwhelmed, stressed, sad, or angry, my survival strategy has often been to freeze—to feel stuck in that emotional state, unable to move forward. I shut down, withdraw from others, and find it difficult to reach out for help or support. My mind becomes a whirlwind of rumination, and loneliness follows closely behind. In those moments, I fall into a conditioned loop: eat, sit, numb, sleep, repeat. It's a cycle that can feel impossible to break.
But here’s the thing—I’ve learned that this reaction didn't come out of nowhere. I can trace it back to my childhood and teenage years. Back then, my brain was learning how to protect me. Vulnerability and sharing my darker emotions didn’t feel safe, so I developed coping mechanisms to survive. These strategies served a purpose when I was young, helping me navigate emotional challenges.
However, as we grow older, those same survival strategies can become chains that hold us back. They get triggered when we feel lost, stressed, or overwhelmed, reinforcing a loop of unhealthy coping patterns. Maybe it looks like drinking, compulsive eating, snapping at loved ones, or avoiding uncomfortable emotions altogether.
The good news? These patterns are not set in stone. While we can’t completely erase old wiring overnight, we have the power to rewire our brains and create new, healthier responses to stress. This isn’t just wishful thinking—it’s science. Neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt and change, means that with practice and intention, we can form new pathways and healthier coping mechanisms.
Meditation has been a game-changer for me. It’s not about suppressing thoughts or pretending everything is fine. It’s about creating a safe space to let thoughts and feelings arise without judgment. When we sit in meditation, we train our brains to observe but not react. This gentle practice allows us to face difficult emotions with clarity and self-kindness. Over time, it leads to profound self-healing.
Becoming a mother prompted me to take a hard look at my coping mechanisms. I wanted to be a better version of myself, not just for my child but for me. I realized that I am not defined by those old survival strategies. They were a response to circumstances that no longer exist. And if I could learn them, I could unlearn them too.
So, what is your conditioned survival mechanism under stress? Whatever it is, know this: you have the power to change it. You are not your reactions. You are not your past. You are capable of creating new patterns and living with greater peace, resilience, and confidence.
Start small. Maybe it’s a minute of deep breathing, a walk in nature, or journaling your thoughts. Perhaps it’s sitting in meditation and letting your mind simply be. Whatever step you choose, trust that it’s leading you toward growth and healing.
You are not stuck—you are evolving. And that journey is worth every step.
by Naianna Robertsson
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